Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
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Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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