I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
