can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
