No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
where am i from again
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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