hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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