I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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