I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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