I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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