do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
