You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize