I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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