The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
