woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
