My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
