I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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