Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
