its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
