let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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