Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
