i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
home. puking in laundry basket.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
