All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think I sprained my soul last night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
