I'm jealous of your bromance
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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