This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
