They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
