I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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