Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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