Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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