last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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