Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
