You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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