i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
