Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
