So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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