i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize