Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
