Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Randomize
