i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
