I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
