She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
