i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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