I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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