is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
