If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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