I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You're like the curious george of whores
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
