i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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