Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
