Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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