12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
