Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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