my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
