If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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