woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
