They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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