Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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