end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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