Where did you get a picture of my penis
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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