You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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