It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
