even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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