I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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