I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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