I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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