i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
