Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?

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  (810): Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses? http://tfl.nu/v432
  Replies (11) Good night (1009) Bad night (724)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  babies were throwing up all over the place

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  (334): babies were throwing up all over the place http://tfl.nu/onjb
  Replies (10) Good night (557) Bad night (2572)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.

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  (828): proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing. http://tfl.nu/uzza
  Replies (71) Good night (20783) Bad night (986)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed

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  (412): my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed http://tfl.nu/3q3u
  Replies (17) Good night (1089) Bad night (4263)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had

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  (954): I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had http://tfl.nu/excp
  Replies (12) Good night (4033) Bad night (1447)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.

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  (414): he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie. http://tfl.nu/pbor
  Replies (16) Good night (799) Bad night (4581)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair

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  (647): hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair http://tfl.nu/2ava
  Replies (25) Good night (4073) Bad night (1063)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this

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  (214): Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this http://tfl.nu/7qd9
  Replies (11) Good night (1341) Bad night (3964)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.

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  (308): Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning. http://tfl.nu/konb
  Replies (8) Good night (3450) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.

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  (318): I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people. http://tfl.nu/5dbr
  Replies (6) Good night (2643) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.

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  (204): Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water. http://tfl.nu/bq5w
  Replies (3) Good night (1688) Bad night (1110)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.

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  (360): I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now. http://tfl.nu/b1mw
  Replies (8) Good night (2784) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.

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  (303): Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent. http://tfl.nu/patp
  Replies (2) Good night (958) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.

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  (603): Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon. http://tfl.nu/3aco
  Replies (3) Good night (456) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you

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  (204): You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you http://tfl.nu/fqb1
  Replies (0) Good night (411) Bad night (180)

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