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i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
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