true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.