Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.