Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.