You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
