For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
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He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
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he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.